What I've Done
by you.just.got.STORMed
Summary: A oneshot Elspeth/Rushton set in Ashling. Yeah, I knew the title's a Linkin Park song, and an awesome one at that- but it's not a songfic. Hope you like :


**Heyy!**

**This is an Obernewtyn Elspeth/Rushton oneshot set in Ashling. I sorta stole some bits from their end confrontation, but i thiiink it works, and I THINK it fits in with the rest of the book, so yeah. Hope you enjoy! :)**

**RECAP OF ASHLING:**

_Elspeth and Matthew went to Sutrium to take the gypsy Iriny to her people, the fate of Obernewtyn resting on their shoulders, according to Maryon's prophesy._

_Upon arriving in Sutrium, they realise that Dragon- who is infatuated with Matthew, to his annoyance- has stowed away in their cart._

_Elspeth agrees to a meeting with the rebels but still must find Iriny's people. She eventually is rescued from a beating by a Twenty-families gypsy man, who kisses her, and she finds out that these are Iriny's people._

_In return for Elspeth returning Iriny, the gypsies agreed to tattoo on her arm the secret gypsy symbol, which is the same as the Beforetime Govamen symbol._

_Dragon, after a confontation with an angry Matthew, runs away and attempts to stop a soldierguard in the marketplace from capturing a women and children. Elspeth, trying to save all of their necks, knocks Dragon out with a coercive jolt, who then later falls into a deep coma._

_Brydda, after one of his men, Idris, is taken by slavers and killed, is determined to hunt down the notorious slave master, Salamander._

_In doing so, he enlists Elspeth's help, and Matthew winds up captured and taken away on a slave ship, while Elspeth watches helplessly. Salamander escapes unscathed._

_A devestated Elspeth goes to meet with the rebels to try and convince them that Misfits are in fact human, but Malik is still opposed to the alliance between Misfits and rebels. The Sadorian representative, Jakoby, suggests that Sadorian Battlegames be used to determine whether the alliance goes through._

_On the same day, Rushton, Angina, Miky, Miryum, the new Freya and Hannay arrive, following one of Maryon's urgent predictions._

_All of the Misfits, including Kella and the comatose Dragon, set off on a ship to Sador to compete in the Battlegames._

_On the ship, Elspeth sees Freya and Rushton embrace, with Rushton thanking Freya gratefully and expressing his deep happiness. She is confused and upset about this, feeling, stupidly- she believes-, that Rushton has been stolen from behind her back. No, she decides, Rushton was never hers to be stolen._

_Also on the ship, Rushton asks Elspeth to come meet with him. Instead of shunning him and going to show Fian her tattoo, she goes..._

My thoughts clammered inside my head. To go, or not to go?

To avoid Rushton and avoid my odd feelings, or to confront him and find out what he wanted to say to me?

The first was obviously the most sensible response. Whatever he had to say, whatever he wanted to tell me, would make me a fool. Perhaps he wanted to tell me that he no longer loved me, and had feelings for the new and pretty Freya?

My heart beat faster at the thought and I closed my eyes, feeling the odd burning sensation fill me again...

But then again, to not go was simply cowardice.

I was not a coward, and I could handle whatever Rushton had to say.

Be it, or be it not about how he had formely loved me.

I stood firmly, my decision still wobbling in different directions.

Should I go?

Should I avoid him?

Should I try and make him feel like I had nothing but contempt for him?

Somehow, I found myself outside his chambers. It seemed that I had no choice in the matter, for as soon as I realised where I was, the door swung open, and I found myself standing face to face with the Master of Obernewtyn.

"Elspeth," he greeted me, tone cold and face expressionless. "You came."

The door opened wider and he gestured me inside, shutting the door tightly behind me.

My chest burned yet again as I made myself meet his eyes. "You wanted to see me?" I managed to ask, my throat constricting with every single word.

Rushton stared at me, green eyes simmering, yet somehow unsatisfied and curious.

I forced myself to stare right back. If he thought he was going to have an effect on me, he was wrong.

I don't know how long we stared at each other for, but soon I had to look away. "Why did you call me here?" I demanded weakly, pathetically.

At last, his gaze dropped. "I don't know," he said suddenly, breaking the long silence. "Maybe it's because, with every word, with every look, with every _thought_ you reject me and hate me. You seem to resent my leading Obernewtyn with your entire being, you seem to hate me for my dormant talent, you just..."

He trailed off, eyes bleak.

I stared at him in shock, my mouth probably hanging open like a fool.

Rushton thought I hated him because he couldn't use his talent?

Rushton thought I resented him leading Obernewtyn?

He must have misunderstood my surprise, for he then said: "You thought I didn't notice, but I do. I see it in you every time you're around me, every time we meet."

"Rushton, I-" I began, but I was cut off midsentence.

"Don't try to deny it, Elspeth," he interrupted angrily, and he began pacing up and down his room. "What I want to know is _why_. Is it because of my talent? My looks? My taking over Obernewtyn? My family? What is it?"

By this time, I was completely speechless. I didn't know how he could think this; I didn't know why he did, and I certainly didn't know how to tell him that I didn't hate him.

"I don't know what you mean," I tried to say, watching him pace up and down like a caged lion.

He halted right in front of me. My chest burned more than ever, his face was tortured and pained...

Rushton lifted a hand to my cheek and stroked it lightly. I froze, watching his face change emotions... why was he doing this? What about Freya?

"Why, Elspeth," he murmured brokenly.

And for once, I let go.

I lifted my arm up and grabbed his hand. "What are you doing?" I demanded. "What about Freya? Why are you touching _me_?"

Rushton's expression changed to complete confusion. "What _about_ Freya?" he returned, brooding expression coming back.

My own puzzlement matched his former expression. "But... what do you mean?" I floundered. "I thought you... and Freya...?"

His face changed to one of slight understanding. "No, Elspeth. Not Freya. Never Freya..."

"Not... you and Freya?" my mind couldn't seem to comprehend what he had just said. Then...

"No," Rushton's voice was suddenly very warm, and I choked faintly at the look of longing in his eyes. "Elspeth..."

Warm, sweet lips pressed against mine, and before I knew it, I was responding. One of his arms closed around my waist- and my mind just began to process exactly _what_ I was doing.

_I am kissing Rushton..._

_Rushton is kissing me..._

_Rushton doesn't care for Freya..._

_I'm giving him hope..._

_This is wrong..._

_I am the Seeker..._

_I can't have a close relationship..._

_I'm going to have to leave someday to destroy the weaponmachines..._

_This will only hurt him more..._

_This is WRONG..._

_I need to stop..._

I pulled away, gasping for breath, yet also at the warm, hopeful look in Rushton's eyes.

_What have I done?_

"That was out of line," I murmured, horrified. Look what I had done! I had now given Rushton hope of a relationship, when I couldn't promise to stay, couldn't promise to be there for him.

My destiny as the Seeker was important, and I couldn't have relationships clouding up my judgement. I couldn't hurt Rushton- if I gave myself a chance to be with him, I would never want to leave, but I would have to one day... which would only hurt him more.

I glanced up again to see Rushton's eyes clouded with hurt, pain and frustration.

_You've hurt him already..._

_Go now, while you can bear it- while you have the chance..._

"I'm sorry," I muttered, angry at myself, angry that I had given him a hope.

I stepped sideways and walked quickly out the door, my head low.

_Look what I have done..._

I was vaguely aware of him gazing after me, and I knew that I had to get to my cabin before the tears began flowing down my face...

It was too late.

**_The End. What did you think? :)_**

**_I personally think that I haven't portrayed Elspeth's narrating style very well at all... damnit. can't get into her head..._**


End file.
